Human
by tainy4
Summary: hm


This story takes place a few hours after Elena's death from 3x22. It has nothing to do with the original S4 plot, and I have changed the end of 3x22. This is how I'd rather see S4 beginning, and I hope you like it.

Elena Gilbert is dead.

"Where is she?" He rushes into the hospital hall. "Where is she!?"  
The doctor stops him with her body and talks to him, but it all sounds very thick to him, like a song that comes out of the radio right when you're going through a tunnel. He doesn't listen, but he understands. Then he can hear her better, like he's coming out of the tunnel.  
"What are you saying?"  
The doctor said that she helped Elena. That she _needed _her help. Because she was dying.  
So she is going to wake up. Or she is already awake. And she is all alone, in the morgue. And he is not there to be there when she wakes up. And he is not there to repeat the doctor's words to her, to explain to her what she is. What she can be. So he lets the doctor lead him into the morgue. And the doctor says something, a swear, and runs to the left. But he keeps walking straight, to a dark room full of bodies. But her body is not there. And the whole room turns black. Deep, dark black. Everywhere. And he can't see a thing through this darkness. It's like when you close your eyes, but his eyes were wide open. He feels like he's moving. Like he's walking somewhere. And he's walking, and he's walking, and he keeps walking for hours, or days, or weeks. But in fact he just left the morgue, and suddenly he is sitting in his car. And it's not even morning yet.  
_"Where are you, Elena?" _he thinks. He wants her to be there. He wants her to be sitting next to him. He wants to see her smile. He wants her to be human, and happy. But when he looks at the car sit next to him, it is empty.  
So he calls people. He doesn't really know who he's calling. He's just dialing numbers, and hits the green button with the phone signal on it, and waits, and talks. Everyone and everything is like shadows. Nothing matters. None of this painful night matters. If you'd ask him what happened tonight, all he'd say would be "Elena died", and if you'd ask him "anything else?" he'd say "no". Not that his best friend died. Not that she chose his brother. Not that everyone's worst fear was dead too. Because nothing mattered. So when he finishes calling all these shadows, he walks out of his car, leaving the car door open behind him, and starts running. He runs fast. The fastest he ever ran. He is following some scent. It isn't hers, but it's familiar to him. It's the scent of death. Not necessarily her death too. Just death.

She doesn't know where she is.  
She doesn't know what happened.  
She doesn't even know _who _she is or _what _she is or anything at all.  
The only thing she knows was that she needed something. She craved for something. That something is like air for her to breathe. But she doesn't know what it is. So she walks out of the dark room she's in, and she can't see a thing, but she's walking. And suddenly there are lights, bright lights, from above her. And she can see a window, and behind it, a man. He is dressed like a guard. At first he doesn't notice her, but when he does, it's too late.  
"Wh- What are you…? You're dead… You're dead!"  
She is coming towards him, walks through the window. She feels pain, and smells blood. But it's her blood. She somehow knows that it won't help. She takes a small, sharp fracture of the glass from the window she just broke, that is stuck in her leg. It is covered with her blood too. Without thinking she attacks him. She wants to kill the man, but once a small red drop falls to the ground from his hand, she is distracted.  
And then everything goes blank, and she is in the hospital parking lot. And there are a lot of people there. And it goes blank again. She is numb. She can't see or hear or speak or think. She hunts. There are dead people, a lot of dead people, and there is blood. Once she's done with someone, she turns to the next one. She doesn't think, she just does that. And once the halls are full of dead bodies, she runs into an empty room. She shuts the door behind her, and turns on the lights. The room is full of refrigerators, and the refrigerators are full of bags, and the bags are full of blood. And in a few minutes all the blood bags are empty. She opens the door. There are cops everywhere. Living cops, with fresh, red blood in their veins. But something tells her that if there are _this_ many cops inside, there are many more outside, some may even be holding crossbows, trained to shoot wooden stakes at undead targets. So she returns to the room, and luckily enough there is a window right in the middle of the back wall. Until the cops go into the room, she is already running away towards the woods. It is still night, but the sun will rise above her in a few hours, and when it will, the outdoors won't be safe.  
She runs again, to the opposite direction from the town. She doesn't know how much time she's been running, but suddenly she sees city lights. There aren't cops anywhere near her, and the town seems safe. So she keeps running. She runs for what seems to her like thirty minutes, and then she gets to a house. It's a small, old house, and it seems like there is only one person lives in it, if it isn't empty. She can't open the door, so she rings the bell. A few seconds later, she hears footsteps.  
"Who is it?" It sounds like a tired, grumpy old woman.  
"You've got to help me… It's chasing me… I'm scared… Please…" She says without thinking. She wasn't thinking at all that night. It was all instincts. When she killed the guard, and when she went to the hospital, and when she killed everyone, and when she escaped the cops, and when she went to the woods, and when she escaped the woods, and even now, when the old lady opens the door and she kills her, it's all instincts. And when the old lady is dead and she can walk in, she can finally think. But instead of thinking, she cries. She cries, and she sleeps. And she doesn't dream. She just cries, and sleeps, and lets the memories come back to her, like tiny pieces of a huge puzzle, that is her life.  
She remembers when she helped her dad to build a tree house for her and Jeremy to play in. And when Jeremy broke his arm, falling from it, so their dad wouldn't let them go up to the tree house again. And when she and Matt sneaked up to there in 8th grade and kissed for the first time. And when she told Caroline and Bonnie about it, and Caroline got jealous so she wouldn't speak to her for a week after that. And when she saw Jeremy smoking and told their parents. And then when their parents died, and she broke up with Matt, and Jeremy started smoking and doing drugs and drinking. And when she met Damon. And when she met Stefan. And when she met Damon again. And again. And when she kissed Stefan. And when she found out he was a vampire, and that Damon was a vampire too, and then Vicki died but Jeremy didn't know that but he was still sad. And when she had sex when the first time, with Stefan. And when she found out about Katherine, and she was devastated, and Damon took her to Atlanta and it was better. And when Jeremy met Anna and he was happy again, and she was with Stefan and she was happy again. And when Jeremy found out that Anna was a vampire, and when he found out that Anna and Elena and Stefan and everyone lied to him, and he was angry. And Stefan got addicted to blood. And then Stefan got back to his diet, and Jeremy forgave her, and then her mother came back and she found out that John was her father and it was bad again. And Katherine came back. And Caroline turned to a vampire and thought that it was her fault. And she had to break up with Stefan. And then Stefan and Damon and everyone locked Katherine in the tomb. And then she was kidnapped, but Damon and Stefan saved her. And Damon told her that he loved her for the first time. And he made her forget, just like when he made Jeremy forget about Anna and that he made her forget that they met first. And then when the originals started appearing, and they tried to kill them, and Jenna died, and John died, and she died. But she came back to life. And Ric was sad but he took care of her and Jeremy. And when she kissed Damon, because he was dying too. But then he wasn't. And then Stefan left. And Damon kept her from going crazy and sad, like those girls who get sad when they lose their boyfriends. And she was happy with Damon. She really was, sometimes. And when she saw Stefan again in Chicago, and he told her to let him go. But they didn't. And when Stefan came back to Mystic Falls, and he was being a dick, and it made her stronger. And having Damon there made her stronger, because she knew that he was there_ for her_. And then Stefan kept being a dick even though he didn't have to anymore. And when she and Damon kissed. And it felt good, but it still was confusing, because Stefan didn't know. And then he knew, and he didn't care. And then Stefan danced with her, and he was kind of good again, and there was a chance that they might get back together when all of the bad stuff will be over. And they weren't over, and she saw him with blood on his face, but it was still him, and he took her to the dance. And then Ric died. And everything got worse. And it was confusing, but then it was over, for good. But she and Damon made out. And she wanted them to do more than making out. But Jeremy was there so they didn't do anything. But she had to choose between him and Stefan, and she chose Stefan, because Stefan was familiar, and Stefan was good, and Stefan was safe. And all of this is very confusing to her, because she wants to choose Damon. But she already made a choice. And then she died.

When she wakes up, the sun is shining, and now she knows that she can't get close to the open windows of the house. And she doesn't think. She just walks to a couch, and she sits on it, and she watches television.  
"…As far as we know, John, there are 117 victims of the hospital attack last night, 84 people are dead and the rest are injured. The police don't know yet who attacked all these people, but they assure us that such a tragedy can't and won't happen again..."  
"Like you can assure that," She says to the reporter on the screen. Then the picture changes and sheriff Forbes appears on the screen, surrounded by cops and reporters.  
"…We don't know who or is responsible to that horrifying tragedy. It is on top priority to the police right now, and we will not rest until the murderer is caught. If the murder is watching us right now, I hope he or she knows that once we find them, we will give them what they deserve."  
Then it hits her.  
All these memories weren't hers. They didn't belong to her. They belonged to the girl who lost her parents, who was a human in a world full of monsters, but she loved those monsters. But she was just a human, weak girl, who wouldn't kill an entire hospital even if she could. She isn't that girl anymore. She's a monster. She's a murderer. She's everything she never wanted to be. And this thought freaks her out. And she cries again. And she wants to scream, because it isn't her. But nothing comes out of her mouth. Not a sound. And when she goes to the bathroom to wash her face from the tears, it isn't her. She is looking at a monster with blood all over her face and her clothes, covered with cold sweat and dirt, with pieces of glass and stuck deep in her meat. And this monster, it isn't her. _"It's Katherine," _she thinks. This monster looks more like Katherine than like her. She can imagine Katherine killing an entire hospital, running through the woods, kills an old woman just for a place to stay in for the night. But she can't imagine herself doing all of these things. But she doesn't want to think anymore, so she rushes into the kitchen, looking for anything with alcohol. But when she can't find any drinks, she looks for pills or bags with powders or leafs, anything that would look like something she can find in Jeremy's room. But there is nothing. So she opens the front door, and it's dark. And she starts feeling this crave inside. So when she sees a young man walking a dog across the road, she is there, her long fangs stuck deep into his throat, sucking all the blood from his main vein. And she lets this warm, intense feeling, rush through her body, head to toe, and fulfill her. Because if she doesn't, she would start thinking again. And if she'll start thinking, she will lose her mind. So she doesn't think. She kills. At some point she storms into a liquor store, kills the cashier and empties all the liquid in all the bottles in the store into her mouth. And everything turns blank again.

She opens her eyes. The sun outside is shining and it hurts her eyes, but her body isn't turning to ashes. She looks around, and it's familiar. It's a car. Damon's car. And besides her, there is no one there. The doors are all locked, but it doesn't matter. She doesn't want to get out anyway. It's the first time she's in a familiar place, and she knows that she's safe. She isn't thirsty or hungry or whatever that is. She's tired though. But it all changes when she hears footsteps coming towards the car. And then she sees a man outside the car. And then he unlocks the front door. And then he opens the door in front of her. And he ducks so he can see her. And when she sees his face, she doesn't think. She doesn't say anything either, and neither does he. She just pulls him towards her so he lies on her body, and she kisses him, and pushes her body towards his, and they make out. And she feels safe and happy. But then he pushes her away, and moves backwards so he can barely see her. So she sits, with her legs outside the car, and he's standing in front of her, and they both are relieved, and they're just looking at each other. But instead of looking relieved, he looks confused and hurt.  
"What the hell was that!?" he asks after a few seconds.  
"What was what?"  
"That kiss, or make out, or whatever you were trying to do."  
"Damon, I choose you." To her it sounds perfectly understandable. It seems to her that he would be happy. It's all that he wanted since he met her. He wanted her to be his, and now she wants that too. But he isn't even close to being happy.  
"You can't," he says.  
"Wh- What? But that's what you want! Yesterday that all you could wish for! Damon, I choose you. I want you, I always did, now I get it. I remember everything now, I can see it all, crystal clear."  
"You don't! Elena, it's wrong."  
"No, it's right! What's wrong with you!?"  
"What's wrong with you!?"  
"Besides the fact that I killed a full hospital and probably half a town?"  
"We'll talk about that later. But now we're talking about what you just did. Elena, you turned into a vampire two days ago. Your mind, your body, everything about you is going crazy. You can't make right choices right now. Not until you're in full control of your body and your actions. I let you play with my feelings for two years, you've had your fun, but I'm not doing that again. You don't know what you want yet."  
"I do! I chose Stefan when all I could think of was _right now. _I'm choosing you thinking about spending an eternity with you. Don't you want that!?"  
"I want that, but I also don't want you to regret it once you're emotionally stable."  
There is a silence for a few moments. Elena is thinking about what he just said, and he lets her do that.  
"Then why are we all alone in the middle of nowhere?" she asks.  
"I-" he puts his arms around his head, his elbows bended, like he's lying on a bed. "I don't know."  
"What do you mean? I didn't take us here. It was your choice. Or someone else's. Why are we here?"  
There is another silence.  
"Stefan doesn't know you're with me. No one does. As far as everyone knows, I'm still looking for you around Atlanta."  
"Well, as far as I'd like to stay here alone with you, if you're not going to let me to do all these things that I've been dying to do to you ever since we've met, I'd rather go home."  
"As you wish," he says.  
They both get to the front seats and Damon starts driving.  
"Where are we anyway?" she asks when a third song starts playing on the radio.  
"Somewhere near the border to Canada."  
"Why?"  
"My brother thinks we're on the other side of the state."  
She chuckles.  
Eleven songs pass until the silence breaks.  
"When you said you wanted to do things to me since we've met… When exactly did you start wanting to do these 'things' to me?"  
"Ever since the night my parents died. I remember, Damon. And even though I didn't know you yet, I knew you in a way. I know it sounds crazy, but I did. I know that somewhere you exist, waiting for me, waiting to offer me a love that will consume me." She says it, partly in sarcasm.  
"And did it?"  
"What?"  
"Did my love consume you?"  
"Am I emotionally stable enough to answer that?" she asks sarcastically. She feels human, talking to Damon like this, teasing him like that.  
"Funny," he said.  
"Damon, I let you take me to a motel, share the bed with me, hold my hand and make out with me. While I've had a boyfriend."  
"He wasn't your boyfriend then,"  
"I'm saying that it did consume me. I just couldn't realize it yet."  
They spend the rest of the drive talking to each other about things like this. All the things that Damon never got to ask her, all the things that Elena couldn't say because she was Stefan's girl, in a way. It didn't lead anywhere. And it was okay. Because she knew that he loves her, and he knew that all these feelings won't be gone, even when she'll be more like the human Elena again.

When they get to her house, it's night. Not late enough for Jeremy to be asleep, but not early enough for him to be looking for her. She knows that Damon wouldn't let him put himself in such a danger. She trusts him to keep Jeremy safe. Damon parks the car in the street, and both of them start to walk towards the porch. Damon walks two more steps, but he stops walking when he realizes that Elena stopped. He looks at her, then at the porch. The door opens, and Jeremy walks out. He can't move either when he sees her. No one talks. It's like they haven't seen each other in years, like one of them just came back from a war that none of them believed they'd come back from. Neither of them smiles, or talks, or moves. To an outsider they'd look numb. But they aren't. They just don't know what to do. Because for the first time, Elena is just Elena. It doesn't matter that she is dead. Because both of them died already, and they know how that feels. It feels familiar. It feels human. She feels human. She doesn't want to hurt him, or kill him. She doesn't even feel like she could hurt him even if she wanted to. Because he's her brother, and that's it. So she runs, not a vampire run, but a human run. Not in super speed. She runs, and she hugs him. And It's a loving, warm hug. And he hugs her too. And they hold each other like that for a few minutes. They still don't say a word. Not until Damon finally says, "Jer, you should go to bed. You must be really tired."  
It's the first time he calls him "Jer", and it feels normal.  
"Why would he be tired?" Elena asks, knowing that he's not a kid anymore and that he's used to staying up late, ever since he found out that there are many supernatural creatures who would likely kill him or his sister in any given moment.  
"Elena, he hasn't slept ever since you died. I didn't let him look for you like everyone, but he couldn't fall asleep until he knew you were back here."  
They hug again, and then Elena sends him to bed, and he invites her to the house, because he knows that vampires can't get in to houses without permission.  
"Why didn't you take me home when you find me? Why didn't you tell anyone about it?" She asks when she can't hear Jeremy's footsteps on the stairs anymore.  
"I wanted to have you all to myself. I know it sounds childish, but I just wanted to earn some time with you, before you get back to Stefan."  
"Before I get back to the aftermath of choosing him. I get it."  
He smiles, and so does she.  
"Goodnight, Elena."  
"Goodnight."  
Right before she shuts the door behind her, he says one more thing.  
"You're still human."  
"What?" she turns around.  
"I know you're dead. And I know you killed people. Lots of people. But it's still you. And you're human. You'll always be human. You're more human than any living person on earth. It's in you. You shouldn't be afraid of becoming a monster. You're too human to be a monster."  
And when he says it like that, it seems right to her.  
"Thanks."  
She shuts the door, and he leaves. And suddenly, she isn't afraid.


End file.
